What the #%*%& are you so scared?

I’ve been making excuses and pointing the finger at everyone and everything when it comes to why I haven’t been blogging. “Once the drama in my life settles down,” I’d tell myself.  “Once I get the house clean and in order I’ll blog everyday,”  I’d say. “If I could just get the puppy to stop pooping on the floor when it rains, I’d have more time to blog,” I would say with a nod. Let’s face it, My life is never going to be smooth enough, or my house is never going to be clean enough. Most of all, I have a small tiny dachshund puppy who hates the rain. Seeing that Portland is one of the rainiest cities in the country, this is going to be an up hill battle. It’s silly how our brains will find scapegoats for our anxieties. The reasons weren’t really reasons but more of vessels I could bottle up my fear in.   Life has presented me a large and very scary challenge, the major benefit being I have a lot of time away from work.  At the on set of this new way of life I had no idea what I wanted to do. Once I decided I wanted to blog again, that’s when the fear hit me.  You’ve been talking this big game in your head and to your friends about how you would love to do more with your blog”, the voice in my head would say. “so put up or shut up,” it would add.  It’s been slowly eating me up and stopping me from doing just that.  The fact is I’ve spent more hours messing around with my fonts/layouts/color schemes then I have writing posts. If I want to blog, I have to write posts. It really is as simple as that. I have to sit down and write everyday Otherwise, I am just shouting at the wind about how I want to be a blogger.  What’s crazy is that I have pages and pages of prompts ready to go. A million ideas on how to get out and about in Portland and share that with the world. I’ve just been to scared to put this car in gear. That ends today.


Coming to this realization has been slow and tedious for me. I’d like to tell you that I woke up this Sunday morning with this enlightened idea. That would be a lie. It’s the culmination of a few very amazing external forces. The first being a podcast called Back to Work. (link). These two guys, are nerdy and sometimes get very technical, but even the non-technophile can find great advice about what stops us from doing our best work.  The second was I got to spend time last month with a group of Mac and iOS developers. This gang of people brings healthy obsession to a new level. The love for their craft and community is all consuming without being excluding. They honestly care about each other and boost each other up to succeed. Coming from and industry where it’s eat or be eaten, it’s nice to see  that for a change. The final piece of the puzzle was a statement my boyfriend made about an 11 hour work day he pulled this week. He was basking in the glory achievement. He had taken something that was broken and didn’t work and re-imagined it so it worked with his own two hands. I’ve sat and stewed on that all day. I could do that, 12oz Beehouse is broken, unfocused and sadly neglected but there is only one person who can change that. I have to fix it with my own two hands. So, I’ll see you later tonight with a re-cap of the past few weeks.